Flirting 101: Continued...

First things first. A little warning before practicing flirting. Know yourself and to your own self be true. My opinion is purely made up of a lot of observation of myself and others and my drawing conclusions. As I’m not always the lit wick in a room full of burning candles, I could be wrong.

If you are a single person (or in an open relationship) and shopping for someone to add to your bed, the first step before flirting is to figure out if your sign reads ‘available’ or ‘victim’. The difference will determine what kind of relationship you find yourself in, should you be using flirting with a relationship with the new person as a goal in your mind.

Personally, I use flirting to put new men (M/M or M/F couples) on my sexual playlist as I don’t do relationships currently. I’m ‘single and loving it’ by choice. So if you’re only playlist partner shopping, by all means go read the 3 tips below.

Available sign - I’m a mentally and physically (and spiritually) healthy individual looking for someone to enter into a relationship, possibly long term (LT). Or a one-night stand, or temporary. (sign’s necessity applies to LT relationship seekers.)

Victim sign - I think I’m putting out an ‘Available’ sign, but I have a lot of self-image/self-worth issues I need to work on. I’m desperate not to be single and lonely anymore. (This sign should NOT be up if you’re looking for a LT relationship. Short term/knock off an illusion of intimacy need/one-night stands this sign is okay to fly).

Desperation is the world’s worse cologne, which means most likely you will NOT attract a ‘good for you’ person while your ‘Victim’ sign is up. You get hit on a lot when your ‘Victim’ sign is on. You’ll find that person (people sniffing around) charming and attractive. You’ll feel swept off your feet and sure you’ve found the one.

The only problem is the people attracted to ‘Victim’ signs are predatory. They see the sign as if hearing a siren’s song and will immediately manipulate you and take advantage of your mindset. Every relationship I’ve seen started while the person had their ‘Victim’ sign flashing instead of an ‘Available’ sign was a dysfunctional, unhealthy and often abusive relationship.

As you may have guessed, this was the self-defeating behavior I had to eliminate from my life when applying it to romance/relationships and me. I chose to stop getting into relationships altogether. I came up with my sexual playlist partner rules and this works for me and my lifestyle. So, yeah, back in college I learned to flirt. Only as you may have guessed from the above a lot of the time my ‘Victim’ sign was waving and I kept finding myself in abusive, dysfunctional relationships.

Okay, warning over and now onto the good stuff. The three tips on flirting as promised:

Number 3 Tip: Display The Twins! Sorry my loyal 3 male followers, I don’t know what the boobies equivalent for a male is, however, I’m a backside, junk in the truck kinda gal. Trust me, if we’ve met I checked out your ass and you never caught me doing it.

Ladies, these sweater puppies, no matter their size are the feature most people sexually attracted to you will check out first. Most heterosexual guys don’t even make eye contact for looking at your jugs. So push-up bra and cleavage showing top away whether you have large or small ones. Doesn’t matter, cuz your breasts always enter a room first if you’re walking forward.

Number 2 Tip: Best Feature Flaunting! If you don’t know what your best feature is, figure it out with a quickness and then just like the girls, bring attention to it (usually something you’ve been complimented on a lot). Mine are my lips/mouth so I apply a lot of chapstick when man shopping. Or I lick my lips which has the added bonus of bringing attention to my #1 attractor to my mouth, my tongue piercing.

If I like the looks of someone I subtly and sometimes unconsciously now, reveal the piercing, as if I can’t think without having it peek out from between my lips briefly. I learned my mouth was my 2nd best feature (chest melons 1st) when I heard CSL’s (cock sucking lips) as the most common description for my lips. They are full, soft, and often wet from licking, so I guess it applies.

Number 1 Tip: Compliment The Person! Duh! If you find someone attractive and you’re brave enough to do so, tell them. It’s so damn simple but so many people don’t do this when flirting and uh, quite stupid really. You won’t know, if you don’t try. As my mom used to say, “You will survive any failure in your life except skydiving!” You’ll get over the rejection, trust.

I only recently discovered this one myself, which is why, I’m like, idiot, idiot for not thinking of it sooner. I recently started going to a gym because I want to wear a dress one size down for my book signing for Forced to Change. Well I decided to hit the gym on the regular because sooooooooooo much yummy eye candy to be seen there.

Someone on Facebook suggested I sneak a camera in so they, too, could see all the eye candy I was scoping. Arriving at the gym the next day, I whipped out my phone and mentioned I wanted pictures of the eye candy I’d seen to the staff. The first guy to hear what I was up to, went into the back and changed shirts so he could having his abs and guns captured.

I quickly had several pics in my phone while saying, I’m looking for pics of ‘eye candy’ and until I ran into a brother so fine I couldn’t admit it (I creatively edited what I was doing and told him I was working on a ‘project’) I was having so much fun, I actually missed the fact that this was a compliment to the person whose picture I took. I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer, yes, I know.

I’d gotten several pictures and proof of such visual goodness for the person who asked, so I did my little workout, returned home and posted the pictures to FB. The very next day I learned that while eye candy picture taking, if I had admitted what I was doing to the fine ass man from the gym, I might have gotten his digits. So yeah, if you like the looks of someone, you find that person attractive, TELL THEM. You never know what might happen.


  1. Eeexcellent tips.

    Do you know what's funny - after I posted the thing about bringing a camera at your gym, I almost deleted it! I was afraid it would come off as stalkerish, so when you not only showed up at the gym with your camera but KILLLED it and turned it into such a fun exercise in flirtation, I was so glad I resisted the impulse to delete. :)

    (to avoid confusion - this is Bevery Nickelson. Nicki is my penname)

  2. Yes, thank you so much for suggesting it. If you knew me better you'd know I love a challenge and I do not embarrass easily. So yes, mention something that sounds fun to me and I'll run with it. For example a really good friend had a similar reaction to a conversation on wouldn't it be fun to chase men in kilts around DragonCon with a leaf blower? Years later, it's a permanent feature of the convention and Laurell K. Hamilton lends her staff to help secure the event.
    So you never know what can happen with a single silly idea. I don't question, I just do...

  3. I hope your book signing was today and if I wouldn't have been moving the last week, I would have liked to been there.....