Forced To Change ~ Sunday, September 16, 2012

I journal. Yup, I’m one of those writers. I started journaling, rather, I kept a diary with a stern warning to my mother to ‘KEEP OUT!’ scrawled on the cover when I was a child. I have almost every composition notebook I’ve written in going back to high school. So, I’m a journal creator most of my life.

Occasionally, I’ll go back and read a piece of me captured by my own words at an earlier time in my life. They're always from my past, however, if I find some writing from my future I'll share right away because that would be so totally awesome. 

Sometimes, I’m struggling or as was the case with this journal entry I’m about to share, something wonderful happened. I believe I’d just finished the first draft of Forced To Change.

“This year, changes FORCED changes. Reaching bottom, falling down. Learning to rise. Seeing the strength inside me others see and when creatively rearranged is a story worth telling.

I’ve learned but I can, will, do learn each and everyday. I know me better than anyone else can. I’ve heard all the thoughts, of course. Experienced every pain, known every success, and plunged into the darkness. When I’ve been through every step and when I felt the most alone and lonely in my life, God has been there travelling through all of it, to it with me.

I should not forget that. I do, but I’m trying. I’m trying to remember Divine path. Divine destiny. Divine life. Living the life I was meant to regardless of how I think, assume my life should have or could have or even would have unfolded.

There is no change in my life without God. Without God I am. With God I am as I am.

That’s the thing, I am not without God. Whether I believe or remember at the time. The moment that is always my past as soon as it passes me by. Hard to live in the present if I am too busy living in my past. But the past is what I know.

The present is happening and I hope, pray, dream of my Divine future as God planned for me.


So, yup that was me almost a year ago. I guess I was processing a lot about myself and what role my Higher Power played in my life or something like that. I don’t know, I guess I try to be spiritual rather than religious. I checked out a lot of religions before I found the one that spoke to me.

Literally spoke to me, I mean, the first spiritual leader I came in contact with from my religion gave a sermon that fit exactly what I was going through at that time. As a result, I finally settled on a religion. You may or may not have noticed I don’t share what religion I do practice. I do this because my religion isn’t for everyone. It took me from catholic school through college to find a place that spoke to me and once I did, I picked a religion to practice.

Some people never find a religion that works for them, or they don’t even believe in a Higher Power. I do, but this was a choice I made. I know my choices aren’t for everyone, but they are my choices to make just as your choices are yours to make.

Recently, I found the person physically closest to me, IE, my ex-roommate was very judgmental about my choices. So, although he claims he kicked me out, I feel I left that situation, yet another choice I made. According to my words from a year ago, leaving is just what is meant to be in my life.

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